WINNER, August 2009: Hot Fun Shark Attack - Ruth Yeselson

I search GOOGLE for “shark facts”
and find: Shark Attack Hot Fun Girls Video:
Join Amy, your hot teacher in swimsuit and floaties
for Fun Facts About Different Types of Sharks.
I fear to click on it, imagining pornographic shark SPAM
circulating tirelessly in my electronic ocean, but
I cannot help but imagine the different types of sharks
nosing among the hot fun girls
as they giggle and splash for the video camera:
the Hammerhead butting against the buttock cheeks
and the Great White gliding amidst the swimsuited crotches,
as hot fun artificial boobs bounce beside fins and floaties.

Amy, this is not the poem I had planned to write,
but I feel a motherly urge to advise you:
Do not believe what the sharks tell you.
There are no fun facts about sharks:
they do not have 8-inch dicks that are always hard;
their wallets do not re-grow $100 bills each time they spend one;
life with a shark is not more fun because it’s dangerous.
Sharks existed before dinosaurs. They have territories,
but no loyalties. They perceive an injury
as a weakness, and will rip you up
when you are down. So, Amy, if you see a shark
swimming your way, flexing his athletic physique,
trailing the blood of his friends or rivals,
flashing some bling and a BIG smile,
do not wait around for the hot fun shark attack,
but swim the other way immediately,
and do not look back.